god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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