Can i not drive my cunt home
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize