Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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