dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
