I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
