dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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