Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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