She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
