I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
