I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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