I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize