So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have tasted many bathrooms
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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