just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think your dad took our porno
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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