omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
