He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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