my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
