he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
