it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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