If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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