So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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