I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
