White coat. Heels.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
