I wish they made helmets for livers.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
