hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
