so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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