Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
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Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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