Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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