I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
