So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
