I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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