I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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