That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
