you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
