a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
