so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
