Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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