I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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