I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
