i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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