i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
