I wanna passion pit in your ass
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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