I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
