He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
