she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
