she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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