I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
