GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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