look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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