I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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