I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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