Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
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You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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