Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
