Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
