I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
