i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
