I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize