so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
