First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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