I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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