Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is it penis luge time yet?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
