after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
