i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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