by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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