you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
