i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
