I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
