He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
