i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
