Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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