My nipple is on Facebook.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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