WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
