Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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