There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
